Sigh

A lot can change in under a month.

I've been debating on if I should post this or not since everything Ive been posting seems so down lately. My husband and I are working our issues out and it was getting a lot better, but just within a few days we seem back to page one. I gave him back my ring. I feel naked and saddened without it. I'm praying things will get better.


On to happy things shall we?????

My oldest is turning 10 tomorrow!

Its such a strange thing watching boys grow into young men. I'm amazed by it every day. I must get some sleep. I have to obsessively clean my house before his party tomorrow.

Matters of the heart

So with all my various odd things going on with my body we have come to the conclusion that pcos is kicking my ass. Most things are just painful (cyst) or annoying (hello moodswings) but the worst and most stunning was that my triglycerides sit at a lovely 786. The rest of my lipid panel was normal but apparently pcos can just blow your triglycerides to hell. Something to do with metabolic syndrome and severe insulin resistance and blah blah blah. So I'm on a MAJOR diet overhaul right now and its making me bitchy as hell.

I hate pcos so much.

Where have I been?

Here and there is the basic answer. Somehow this summer is just taking everything out of me. There is a lot on my plate right now and most of the time when I open this to post I just sit here and watch the cursor blink. So lets do a list shall we?!?!?!

* My husband and I are working on our marriage and are making huge progress. Its not always easy, but I can see the light coming back and am starting to feel like we are IN love again.

* B is growing like crazy and doing well. The molars were hard. Its such a test of patience to have a tething toodler.

* We are actively ttc again. Its not going so smoothly. I may have just had an early loss/chemical. Its a long story and I end up bleeding for 11 days at the end of it so lets just skip that.

* I've lost 6 lbs. Its okay but I hoped for more.

* I'm trying to be more organized so everything won't feel so chaotic but it is hard.

Its like running in mud right now. I will pull out of this funk.

We did take a great vacation to the lake house which is pictured up there. It was a great morning. I wondered out to the boathouse with my coffee and camera and just clicked away. I'm thinking we might need another getaway soon.

AND I have over 400 post to get caught up with in google reader but I'm working on it.

I keep having the same dream over and over again......just making a note so I can remember to blog about it later

We're not sure

Nothing irritates me more than not knowing what is going on with my uterus. Boy what an opening line.

Years ago I started spotting out of the blue and it never went away. I've heard all their responses from its normal to it will work itself out. Well guess what? Its NOT normal and it didn't work itself out. As my period has returned on a somewhat regular basis I can tell you I still cramp like crazy and spot whenever my body sees fit. This isn't right. I just KNOW. But no one seems to take it seriously. So what is my next step here? I've run out of doctors and patience.

Show and tell week something or another

Yes I know I didn't post all week, but I did dig through my blog and discovered that my 4 year blogaversary was on June 7th. Four years is quite a long time in my little world so I do consider it an accomplishment. So onto the sharing shall we...

Remember you can go here and join in or just see what the others are sharing







I had a few people ask me where I got the pic for my header. I got it from my camera. I took it when we headed to the beach last month. We went to this amazing set of tidepools and I just went totally picture happy. The first three are pretty self explanitory but lets see if you can guess what happened after the fourth.....


MMmmmmm pretty

Ooooooooooooh even prettier

Hello starfish!

Heh, take a guess what happened to Mr.hermit crab seconds after I took this. Yes, right into the mouth. You would think he would spit it out since it was crawling around and everything but noooooooo, I had to reach in and pull it out. Enough snack talk, go see what everyone else is showing!

Show and Tell time!

Yay it is show and tell time again! It has switched to Wednesdays so go here and see what everyone else is doing!








One of my favorite things about living in the northwest is the fabulous sunsets. I caught this one on our last hike.

This storm was fascinating. Scary too. The wind and rain was so hard and the lightning was incredible. I was going to catch pictures of the lightning but I got sidetracked somehow.

Go take a look and see what everyone else came up with.

A post is coming shortly. I just have zero time lately. B has food allergies so it seem like I sit and read and read and read about how to keep his diet balanced and where they came from. I have a lot of stuff rolling around in my head and I swear as soon as I have time I will get it up. Heh, I said get it up.

Bear with me folks, I'm doing some construction so things may look a bit off for a few days. I would do it all at once, but you know I need to be on constant "what did you put in your mouth" patrol

Our summer challenge

We thought we were going to try that entire baby thing again this summer but obviously the universe sees otherwise. (I will go into this on a later post) So instead I've decided to throw myself into something else. What is it? Being the biggest cheap ass I can. After going over the budget I see little cracks where money seems to be leaking out. Kind of like weather proofing the house we are going to weather proof our finances. I had mr.fatty hang a clothes line for me which I think is going to be the biggest money saver. It seems like we are running the dryer constantly. We planted our garden full of veggies and fruit so hopefully once those start to mature we won't have to spend so much on groceries. But really my mindset has just changed. When I go to the store now instead of "oh thats cute" my brain automaticly goes " do you REALLY need that". It's something that will take me a bit to get going because I need to gather all our info so there can be full disclosure. I'm not sure if this will remain here or moved somewhere else but I'm excited about this idea. I know I have personally wondered what people made, where it went, and how they budgeted and stayed on track.

Happy birthday B!

Ha, right after I wrote the last post B fell and landed on his nose. It doesn't look that bad in the picture but now that its all scabby it looks so gross. And he also hit his head on the hotel coffee table. Birthdays can be a bit rough but it didn't seem to bother him one bit.








Since we were at the beach we had pumpkin cupcakes at the hotel. B thought this was okay, but was really more interested in what his brother was doing.

Ahhh, my two boys. Quite the age difference huh? Thank you secondary infertility. I appreciate it. Stupid ovaries. I've started to ignore people who ask me if B was an accident. This day we just relaxed and enjoyed our family time. I'm a bit behind on blogs...we are still unpacking because when you have an infant you have to take half the damn house anytime you go somewhere.

Perfect Parent Syndrome

I have got a fantastic idea. Can we as women, as moms quit being so damn judgemental? I'm not talking about you guys. But lately I have been so overwhelmed by all the 'perfect' parents around me. I can ask a question about anything and I'm met with "oh my child walked at two months, composed a symphony at 3 months, got his phd at 4, and was able to recite all the names of the seven dwarfs in alphabetical order while blindfolded all by 5 months. Well, shit on me then. Yes, I'm aware my son is 'still' babbeling and he's almost a year old. Yes, I know he still falls down a lot. Yes, I know he is chewing on a twig.

Its too much. We ALL have our moments. I don't know a single parent who hasn't had a bad moment. Some of us are just blessed to have more than others. Can we all just admit we aren't perfect parents? PLEASE.

I'll go first. Today my son ate what appeared to be a beetle. I'm not sure, but the leg he had stuck to his tooth did indeed look like a beetle. Such are the hazards of gardening. Anyone else care to confess?

Anyone ready for a tmi psa about the penis?????

I'm going to use frank language here. Just a warning

For a few months Mr.fatty has randomly been losing erections. He would go from fully aroused to flat in well a second flat for no reason. He didn't know why and I must admit it made me feel like shit. Like I'm not self concious enough now my husband couldn't even keep an erection. It made me feel unatractive and unwanted. It ruined our 5th anniversary. We barely spoke, didn't even kiss. Well you get the picture. So life is moving along and I make a routine appointment for him to get a check up. His dr ordered a full panel and then everything became clear. His blood pressure was elevated and his cholesterol was through the roof. The dr said one of the indications of heart issues can be sudden loss of erections. Well there is something I did not know. The dr said undetected he was definetly on his way to a heart attack or stroke. He is only 42 and maybe 10lbs overweight and exercises all the time. I can't imagine not having him around.

So now we have been turned a bit upside down and are having to change the way we do everything. Some of the meds do lower male fertility and for now we are trying to avoid them, but it may be something he has to do soon. Since mr.fatty had low volume and a high amount of abnormal forms in the first place I just don't know where this puts us.

I know this is common but it scared the crap out of me. We really do have to start taking better care of ourselves. I started by cutting out sweets and doing that jilian M 30 day shred video. It was painful....I definetly feel shredded now.

PCOS sucks ass

Really it does. In oh so many ways. It just feels like this battle in my body every single frickin day. Not just to ovulate but just to bring it into balance. If I take a week off from exercise I balloon out. The adult acne is great too. And the apple body shape? Oh joy.


Seriously I hate it.

I posted a while back how I missed spring and longed for it to arrive. It did come, although a bit late, with quite a bang around here. Everything seemed to open and just made me feel like we had infact come to the right decision. What decision you ask? Well I'm sure everyone remembers how I kept going back and forth on if we should ttc again or was our family complete. I fell into the complete category, my husband did not. Last week something changed. I'm not sure if it was that B started walking, or my ovaries kicked back into gear or I finally lost my mind....but we decided to stop preventing pregnancy. In June we will be moving to actively ttc again. I'm not sure how this go for us, but right now I'm just totally at peace with this decision.

In the mean time enjoy the tulips! I took this at the tulip farm and have a lot more I want to share with you guys.....maybe I'll get in for next weeks show and tell.